Monthly Archives: June 2022

A Vintage Survival Pioneer Trek

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I looked up the word Vintage, and besides references about wine I found, a period of origin and dating from the past, and the word Survival means the state or fact of continuing to live or exist, typically in spite of difficult circumstances, and decided to use these words to describe the first pioneer trek I ever went on. Of course this wasn’t the first pioneer trek, that trek was the definitely vintage and the epitome of survival. Things have changed a lot since my first trek experience, even in the modern reenactment treks that happen now.

I was about 14 years old, and it was about the mid 1970’s. It was tough! I still feel a little uneasy about how this trek was done, and think it should have or could have been a better experience.

As I remember it, we arrived at the church on Thursday in our pioneer outfits. In our ward a common and expected thing would be for our leaders to have a table set up with a breakfast treat like donuts or muffins and maybe even juice while we waited for everyone to arrive. Not for this event. Nothing, not even water. I was a little bummed, because I didn’t eat before I left home, no breakfast, no snack or anything. This would normally not be a big deal if lunch was the next opportunity to eat, but as I found out later it would be a quite a long while till I would eat.

We got on a bus, and drove for some time, maybe an hour or two. We got to the location, in a canyon somewhere. I have no idea where it was. We got out and were assigned a family group. A Ma and Pa and siblings. The leaders went through the kids bags and removed all candy, gum and any distractions. We got our handcart and started on our way. We walked and walked, we may have even sung as we walked and walked and walked and walked, I don’t remember. We walked and pushed and pulled and took turns in the front of the handcart for a long time. It started to get dusk and we stopped. They said we were stopping for the night. I think they said we went 12 miles. Shortly after we stopped we were givin a cup of broth and a piece of beef jerky. That was it. I honestly don’t remember having water. We didn’t bring water bottles with us. It wasn’t like it is now when all the leaders encourage the youth to bring a water bottle and make sure they take lots of drinks so no one would get dehydrated. So once we were ready we went to bed.

The next day, Friday, we walked and walked again for hours. We may have stopped from time to time, I don’t remember. I don’t remember anything about the food on the second day, but it had to be better than the first day. We walked and pushed the handcarts all day again. I seem to remember that we went 15 miles, and when we quit, we made camp and planned to stay there for a day or so. I don’t remember tents, so I’m sure we just slept out under the stars.

On Saturday, early in the day we had all kinds of busy-ness going on. One thing they did was to release live turkeys and some of the boys chased them down until they caught them. Then they were butchered. Someone chopped off their heads and then we all helped to remove the innards and plucked the turkey. When it was ready it was put in a large dutch oven with other vegetables and buried down in the ground with coals to cook it. In the mean time we played pioneer games and messed around while the food cooked. When the food was done, we dug it out and had the best food I may have ever eaten in my life. That turkey and those veggies were cooked to perfection. Whoever was in charge of that part of the trip was a master.

The next day, Sunday we had our Sunday Sacrament meeting and sat on logs laid out in rows for pews. After Sacrament meeting we did a thing they called solo. We were asked to find a place to spend time in nature away from the other kids and adults. We were to use the time writing in our journal, or reading our scriptures or resting. This was supposed to take place till evening or dusk and then we all gathered together for testimony meeting. I remember trying really hard to have a spiritual experience, or to have something profound to write in my journal, but I was pretty much still feeling out of sorts and kind of insecure. I kept wondering who was in charge and why we were doing this trek. What were we supposed to learn. Maybe we were supposed to learn that we had it easy, that we were pansies, or that challenges are good for us. Maybe we were supposed to learn that we had no clue about how hard it was for the pioneers. I’m sure all of that is true, I just didn’t feel it at the time. Was I too young to truly appreciate what I was experiencing? Definitely, and I’m sure I just wanted to go home.

On Monday morning we broke camp and headed toward the bus and home. Thank heavens! In the end I think they were trying to teach us about hardship and to help us appreciate the original pioneers. I did, and I do. If that’s how pioneer trek reenactments happened today, I would never go on a pioneer trek again.

Thankfully the focus has changed from hardship and endurance to an appreciation of the people themselves. I have been on a pioneer trek since this vintage survival trek and it is much more positive, and even endearing. The kids are assigned or pick a pioneer, and act as if they are that person. They find out the history of that person and what was going on in their lives at the time of the original trek west. This gives them the opportunity to think about them and ask questions like: Why would they do it? What drove them to leave their homeland and sacrifice so much to come to Zion? When you think about that, it’s a lot to take in and contemplate.

They walked an 23,636 steps a day.

Do I put that much energy into anything? Am I driven to follow God and the Prophet like they were? I know I can do hard things for a noble cause, and I want to feel like my time on earth counts. It’s important to make good choices, and to follow good leaders, and bless others along the way. How many steps a day do I make to leave a legacy?

I’m grateful I had a vintage survival pioneer trek experience, but I am glad its over. I am more grateful to the pioneers for their spirit and tenacity and willingness to struggle and even die to get to Zion, and leave such a lasting legacy. Learning about them and following their example is a blessing I will always be grateful for.

You’ll Feel Better

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A handful of years ago I was in a challenging place. Our life had changed completely. If you visit the blog or know me you would already know this. Just for the sake of the story I’ll tell you a what happened.

One thing that I should share is that I have depression. I have had it for many years. I am a pretty good faker, but mostly because it’s my struggle and I don’t want people to ask too much about it. I have had a lot of responsibilities while having depression, so I would say I’m high functioning (whatever that means). I mostly just do what I need to do and cry or be by myself when I get home. I’m telling you this because I’ve dealt with this for a long time, and if or when something big happens or changes, it can have a huge impact on my wellbeing.

Somehow I made it through a son entering the army, a son going to South Africa on a LDS Mission, and two daughters serving missions, one of which was out of the country. I am very protective and a worrier, so my kids growing up, and living somewhere out in the world is not fun. I was only able to handle this time and these experiences because of my faith in God and my understanding that it is actually a good thing and important for our kids to grow up and leave home and make their way in the world. We always knew that the end goal was to raise our kids and send them off into the unknown. We wanted them to be amazing, independent and make the world better for their being in it. That is what they did. They are wonderful. They are incredible people and I look up to them.

When our youngest Emily, our Bonus Baby came home from her mission we thought, “What’s next?” All of our children were living at home. Our oldest and his sweet wife Janet were living in our basement apartment, while they looked for a home. And the other two were working and deciding what they were going to do. All the kids were working to give us help with the bills and such. We knew we wouldn’t/couldn’t make ends meet without them. We were house poor when we bought our wonderful home, but wanted to stay as long as possible. We lived there for 18 years. We raised our kids there, we loved our neighbors and location…but, we knew it was time to move. We prayed and felt like we needed to put the house up for sale. We sold it in 2 months. Riley and Janet bought a house. Alex bought a house and the girls moved in with him.

In a 3 months period of time we got our youngest home from a mission, moved and became empty nesters. I mean when it’s right, it’s right! I knew it would be hard, but I also knew it was right. Things fell into place. Next was adjusting to all the new stuff, and missing my kids. Sniff, sniff, waaahhhhh!

We love our home! We love our neighbors and new friends. I was just so lonesome. So lonesome for my kids. I guess we really ripped the band-aid off! I had a few different jobs, but was really struggling with my depression and finally decided to stay home and do daycare. What that meant was I could feel sad now and then, and hold and love someone else’s kids while I try to adjust to this new normal. It helped. I love children and they love me.

On one occasion I was feeling super sad, and I said to Father in Heaven. “If you’ll help me feel better, I’ll do more.” Meaning I’ll love others more, I’ll leave my house and serve. I’ll bless others with my love. I was having a hard time just helping with the young women in our LDS Ward. I wanted to help, but totaling didn’t want to help. I didn’t want to leave the house. Tears came very easy. I cried so much during this time in my life. After I told Heavenly Father that I’d do more if He helped me feel better, the very next thought that came to my mind was, “If you’d do more, you’d feel better.” Very clear, very calm, that was the answer. I said out loud, “Damnit!” I didn’t want that answer! I knew that that was the right answer, because we forget ourselves when we serve, but I didn’t feel like it. I wanted to feel like it and then do better.

Doing what God wants is always good, but when we do it while we’re in the middle of pain, hardship or sorrow, it is actually doing something that will help us to be more Christlike. Serving, loving and helping another while you’re in pain is what Jesus did after He suffered in the Garden when He healed the guards ear. It’s what He did on the cross when He was in agony and He gave John charge over His Mama. He is our best and most wonderful example. I want to be like Him.

That was pure revelation for me. It was then and is now a guide to doing better. If I’m struggling to love, serve or help another and I don’t really want to do it- I know that’s ok, but I also know I’ll feel better after I do it. I’m so grateful for revelation. I’m so grateful that even in my weird chemical brain I have been blessed with inspiration. I just need to be still and open to it. I want any and all the inspiration that Heavenly Father is willing to give me. I know that He will inspire you too with what ever help you need. Be careful though, cause you might just have to do something you didn’t really want to do, but I promise you will feel better!