I stated in a post several months ago that I struggle with depression.
The end of March marks one year in our new (old) home.
It has been quite a year!
These are the things that happened in the last year:
1-We sold our home of 18 years. Left a wonderful neighborhood and church family, and moved to a new wonderful neighborhood and church family.
2-We bought a darling new home, built in 1906 and half the size of our old home.
3-We all lived together in our old home. My oldest with his sweet wife and baby in the basement apartment while they looked for a home, and our three other young adult children going to school, etc.
Not anymore! Oldest son and wife, Riley and Janet bought a home, second son Alex bought a home, and the girls, Kelsey and Emily moved in with him.
Which means….we became “empty nesters!” (Much more difficult than I anticipated)
4-Second son, Alex met and fell in love with his sweetheart, Amber. We had a wedding in October!
5-Girls no longer want to live with brother, Kelsey moves back with us, Emily moves in with Grandmother.
6-Quit my job. It was just too much.
7-Emily met and fell in love with her sweetheart, Anthony. We had a wedding in January. Spent the whole month of January sewing, creating centerpieces, and ordering wedding decor.
Not to mention, that since 2010 we sent Riley to Boot Camp, Alex to South Africa to serve a mission, Kelsey to Texas to serve and mission, and Emily to the West Indies to serve a mission, we received them all home and had three weddings, a funeral for my father-in-law and many other changes, including health issues for my parents. This last five years have probably been the busiest time of my life.
I’m only telling you all of this, because sometimes I think life just wears you out!
I wouldn’t change any of these experiences for anything, but I feel pooped. The state of my mind doesn’t help sometimes.
The reason I titled this post “Are You Feeling It” is, because I consider feelings very important. There are feelings of worry, fear for the future, for the safety of family, etc. Sometimes when I have feelings come to mind that are not helpful to me, I have learned some pretty good coping skills, like looking for all the good things that are happening, also making sure I am taking care of myself.
I would say the feeling I long for most on a consistent basis is Peace. I really want to feel that all the time, but that may be too unrealistic.
There are times when I want to feel close to my Father in Heaven. It’s not that I don’t feel Him to a certain extent, but not the way I want to feel Him. It could be my happy pill, sometimes I’ve heard from others taking medication that they can’t even cry. The pill makes them feel numb. I need the pill to be my best, but I want to know He is there for me. That I am of infinite worth to Him. I want to know He is hearing my prayers and answering them.
I have decided it is an issue of Faith, for me. I was studying Faith and thought, maybe I don’t have enough Faith.
In the Bible dictionary it says Faith is a principle of action. You know how people say to “exercise” Faith. I thought that explains a lot…I never really like to “exercise.” Haha 🙂 (I wish I could say I was kidding. I know, exercise releases endorphins.) So anyway, if Faith is a principle of action, I decided to make a list of things I could do to “exercise” Faith. Here it is: Study my scriptures, pay my tithing and offerings, attend all my church meetings, take the sacrament in a meaningful way-thinking about the Savior and His atonement for me, doing my best at my church calling, also really putting an effort into saying heartfelt prayers at least morning and before bed. I already do these things, but maybe not my very best effort. I committed to build my Faith.
And guess what?
It helped. I started noticing things in my day going smoother, or having some tiny insignificant thing go just right. I even had answers to prayers come in a way I could not deny. I know there may be some doubters, but I felt it! I felt Him. I felt Him loving me and I am feeling much better than I have for a year.
If you are struggling with your Faith, do your best to put your desire to increase your Faith into action. This lets Heavenly Father know you are willing to do your part, to act, to meet Him in the middle or even more. Whatever it takes, do it! I can say I can Feel it, and I am so grateful for my increased Faith.