When I was just a young girl,
in my teens, I would day dream about being married and having a family,
I wanted so much to be loved by a wonderful man, and to be the mama to some darling children.
I really wasn’t sure it would ever happen.
I had a lot of self esteem issues.
I didn’t think anyone would ever want to be married to me. I thought I wasn’t pretty enough; skinny enough, fun enough, lovable enough for someone to want to be with me. And if there was never someone who wanted to be with me, then I would never get to be a mama. I always felt, and still feel, that the best place to raise children is with a mom and a dad married. These are my beliefs and feelings, based on how I was raised. So if no one ever loved me, I would never marry, and never be a mom.
I know this sounds a little dramatic, but I was a teenager thinking like a teenager.
I just wish I could have had my grandma self come visit for a bit, with my teenager self. It would have helped me to be able to relax and not worry so much.
I would tell my teenage self,
“You are beautiful and very lovable!”
I would tell myself how wonderfully blessed your husband will feel to have you in his life.
That your children will admire the way you keep going even when you are overwhelmed and sad. I would tell my younger self that it might take a little time,
but it will happen,
and it will be wonderful!
You will be older than you thought you’d like to be married, but you will have good experiences that will add to your knowledge of life and how to live and love people.
Experiences that you would never trade.
Then after some time you will have what you dream of, and it will be worth the wait, and oh, so, precious.
The best part of all of it?
Why are we so hard on ourselves?
Why do we not just trust our Father in Heaven has blessings, wonderful blessings coming our way? If I’d only known then, what I know now, I think I would not have been so hard on myself, I would have enjoyed the process of going through life, a little more.
Maybe there is something to that.
Maybe we need to trust, have faith that Heavenly Father wants us to be happy and even though sometimes we have to go through hard things to get to the happiness, we can do our best to enjoy the process. Have “Joy” in the journey! It all worked out and I worried so much.
One thing is for sure, I’m so happy to be where I am now. So thankful for a sweet Darlin, the opportunity to be a mom, mother-in-law, and grandma! Life is a blessing!