Sorrow

It seems that sorrow is a big part of life these days. In the middle of the sorrow is incredible joy. In one of the first posts on this blog I talked about the brothers that I’ve been blessed with. If you’d like to read a little more about them click in the search window and type in “brothers”.

I am the only daughter and I have five brothers in the family I grew up in. I have wonderful parents who did a great job raising us to be good people. We are a typical family that has typical challenges. As my older brothers grew up they went down different paths. Each of us chose and our parents never stopped loving all of us or being proud of the amazing humans we became. I watched them choose their path and watched how some of their choices affected their lives, sometimes it was hard to watch. I still think the world of them. I learned so much from them.

My oldest brother Brian was 46 when he passed away, hiking with family on a trail in a nearby canyon. He had a heart attack and died on the trail. We were devastated and so sad to lose our son and brother at such a young age. But the tender mercies and spirit of God told us he is in a good place with loved ones. Free from some of the addictions of a mortal life. My sister-in-law calls death the “Ultimate Rehab.” Truth.

My second oldest brother Brad was 59 when he passed away from cancer. He was a very tender soul whose love for family was immense. To protect his tender soul he had built a wall almost impenetrable by most. He was a very responsible and hard working man. A great provider. I was able to talk to him two days before he was put on a ventilator and tell him I love him. That was a tender mercy. I know he is in a good place with loved ones including our brother Brian.

My wonderful, beloved Father passed away in August 2019. 85 years old, after having lived an amazing life. His passing was not a complete surprise, but nevertheless devastating. I miss him everyday. I will miss him until I get to be with him again. However looking at his life I’m so grateful for him, and for his example of service and love. He was a gentle, kind and loving soul. He was a powerful defender of our Savior and other prophets. His life is his legacy. It is epic. I know he is in a good place and with loved ones including our brothers Brian and Brad.

My third oldest brother Keith, and the one just 1 and 1/2 years older than me just passed away in January. He is my miracle brother. He chose a tough life for a while smoking, drinking, using drugs and missing out on all of the wonderful blessings of being a contributor to this world. After a short stint in jail, he cleaned himself up and came home. He was in his 30’s and back home with Mama and Daddy. Thankfully the judge in his case saw some potential. He changed his life. He quit his bad habits and started a righteous course. One lingering effect of drug use was that he contracted Hepatitis C from sharing needles. His liver was suffering and he needed a new one. Thankfully, because of his life changes he was a candidate for one. In July 2007 he received a donor liver from a wonderful young man who had died in a car crash, Nathan.

Life seemed to be going great minus the usual challenges until a year an a half ago when Keith found a lump in his neck. Cancer was found, surgery and a year spent trying natural remedies. I think we were all scared of the chemo and radiation that our brother Brad had been through. He seemed to be doing fine, for a year then he started having trouble with simple tasks. He couldn’t remember how to do up his pants, or how to use his phone. He had trouble driving. He got a really bad headache one day so his wife took him to the ER. Brain cancer was found. It was aggressive and would be terminal. He had it removed and started treatment…then hospice.

He lost some of the use of his left side, and would call me often to trim his nails. He was always wanting to get back to work. He called me the day before losing consciousness to drive him around looking for real estate opportunities. I would usually just talk him through it and say lets do that tomorrow or next week. Then the call, “Keith is having trouble breathing.” He died the next morning. Tender mercies: he was able to see many family member and was aware they were there and gave hugs to them, most often calling them by name before hugging them. He was optimistic to the end. He tried to get out of bed, I asked him, “Where are you going?” trying to hang onto him so he wouldn’t fall or leave the bed he was attached to and he said,
“I’m going to heaven!” One of his last wishes was to donate his body to science. He had a great love for the donor program. His wish happened shortly after he passed. He is my miracle brother, and I know he is in a good place and with loved ones including my brothers Brian, Brad, and my Daddy.

I have felt so much sorrow this last little while. I have felt peace. I know that Father in Heaven and our Savior are close and aware of our sorrows

From a beloved Hymn,

He answers privately, Reaches my reaching
In my Gethsemane, Savior and Friend.
Gentle the peace he finds for my beseeching.
Constant he is and kind, Love without end.

I love my brothers and my Daddy, and I find incredible joy in knowing I will see them again someday.

Families are Forever!

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