My Darlin and I have been married for 34 years.

I’m so grateful for him.

He is definitely a keeper.

Some of the things we’ve learned in the years we’ve been married are what keep us married. Being married is work. It is full of challenges, frustrations, complete happiness, disappointment, and feeling loved. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

Things I’ve learned in 34 years:

1. He means more to me now, because of all we’ve been through together. Never give up on your relationship. Going through tough times together, helps us grow closer.
2. It’s best to lower your expectations. Seriously. It’s true you have to sometimes anticipate how a certain situation will happen in order to mentally prepare for it, but don’t have grandiose ideas. The way romantic movies show relationships is not real life. Guys don’t think like that, most the time.
3. Sometimes we all make mistakes. One time my hubby bought a car without talking to me about it first. The reason is too much information to share in this post, and I may tell the story in a future post, but that was very difficult on our marriage, and we both learned some very important lesson’s. Make sure your feelings are heard and then forgive.
4. Love him for who he is, and don’t try to change him. He shouldn’t want to try to change you either. If changes are made, we make them together by setting goals and working on doing our best, together.
5. Appreciate his gifts, and talents. My darlin loves sports, and he is good at all sports. Me? Not so much, and I don’t enjoy them as much as he does. So I let him know if I want to do something different while he is enjoying what he loves. He does his thing, and I do mine.
6. Compartments. Men have compartments. Little mental places saved for what they are doing at the moment. I learned this at a marriage conference we went to and it is one of the most helpful things I’ve ever learned. When he is at work, he is in his work compartment. So if I say to him, “Did you miss me/think about me today, at work?” The answer is, “No.” He was thinking about work. I’m ok with this, it makes sense to me. So I don’t ask. I feel happy he is doing his job and providing for us. When he’s with me, he is in the “Joy” compartment. Yes, he is thinking about me. I love it when he is thinking about me. I think about him many times throughout the day. That’s what women do, and that’s ok too.
7. Physical touch is important, but not the most important. It is almost always more important to a man than a women. Knowing that, I love to be close to him, and I’m considerate about his needs. Because he loves me, he is considerate about my needs.
8. When you get older, new challenges appear. We have been married for 34 years. My mom and dad have been married almost 64 years. Things you’ve never dealt with in your life together become part of the journey. My father-in-law had Alzheimer’s. I’m sure my mother-in-law had no idea she would have to learn how to love her sweetheart in a whole new way after 50 years of marriage. I admire older couples who love each other through thick and thin. Staying positive and having a sense of humor during the aging process is important.
9. A sense of humor is very helpful. I really love to laugh. It’s a great core work out! When frustrating things happen in our day to day routines, try to see the humor. Sometimes it takes years for an experience to become funny, but they almost always do. Don’t be overly sensitive about experiences. “Let it go.” as the Disney movie says.
10. Gratitude. Honestly gratitude is the best way to make it through almost anything. You don’t have to be rich to be grateful. God gives us little blessings everyday. When our “Most Quoted” son Alex was serving his LDS mission to South Africa we saw that life can be very difficult and there are still blessings all around. The children in the orphanages in Swaziland were some of the happiest children. I love gratitude so much, because no matter what is happening in your marriage and life, you can always choose to be grateful. It is an eternal gift given by Father in Heaven to choose. I choose to be grateful for a wonderful husband, and marriage. I know I’m blessed to have the opportunity to have a sweetheart and create a family. That is what life is about.

Bonus: The most important thing I’ve learned is that God wants our marriage to be successful. He is a part of our everyday. We ask Him to bless our marriage, and help us to be patient and loving, and happy together. If you include God in your marriage He will bless you. Ask yourself if how you treat your spouse is ok with Him. If it’s not, do better. If it is, continue on in your wonderful journey.

Happy Anniversary to the best man for me! I love you sweetie! Thanks for being my darlin!